Why This Can't Be News:

Oh joy, the Supreme Court has finally figured out how to make internet browsing more like trying to get into a 21st-century bar: you need an ID to get in! Because, clearly, the biggest problem facing society today is that kids are getting too much free access to porn. I mean, who needs education or critical thinking skills when you can just have endless hours of, ahem, "research" at your fingertips? And don't even get me started on the horror of "vast libraries of video content—both benign and obscene"—I mean, what's next, a Supreme Court ruling that says kids can't play Fortnite without a chaperone? But seriously, who did Justice Clarence Thomas think he was kidding when he wrote that "many adolescents can now access vast libraries of video content... at almost any time and place"? Like, dude, this is 2023, not 1999! Kids have been streaming cat videos on their iPads since they were in diapers. And as for the "rational connection" between age verification laws and legitimate state interests, I'm pretty sure that's just code for "we don't trust you to make good choices, so we're gonna control what you can watch." Meanwhile, I'm over here wondering if this means that Texas is also going to start requiring ID checks at the ice cream truck.