Why This Can't Be News:

Wow, because what the world was really missing was a way to turn light into a solid. I mean, who needs functional doors or working toilets when you can have... frozen light?! It's not like we've already figured out how to store information on tiny devices that fit in our pockets or anything. So, apparently, some scientists in Italy (because Italy is clearly the hub of all things innovative and exciting) managed to "freeze" light by manipulating photons in an ultra-cold environment. Because, you know, photons are just begging to be frozen into a supersolid state. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that they've been trying to win a Nobel Prize for decades. And don't even get me started on the name "quantum theatre." Is this what happens when scientists get together and try to sound cool while explaining their research? Like, "We didn't just make light into a solid, we performed a quantum theatrical production of frozen photons... in a vacuum... with zero practical applications." But seriously, who needs to turn light into a solid when we could be using our collective genius to solve world hunger or cure diseases? I mean, I guess it's not like scientists are going to use this breakthrough to create a super-efficient transportation system or anything (although, let's be real, that would be awesome). No, instead, they'll probably just use it to make fancy light shows for rich people's birthday parties.