France braces for peak temperatures amid Europe-wide heatwave
Why This Can't Be News:
Oh no, the apocalypse has arrived! Or at least that's what it feels like in France, where the temperature is a scorching 38 degrees Celsius. I mean, who needs air conditioning when you can just walk down the street and get instant heatstroke? And don't even get me started on the Eiffel Tower being shut - how are we supposed to Instagram our way through this crisis? But seriously, folks, it's a real emergency over here! The government is so concerned that they're banning all but the cleanest cars from the road and imposing speed limits of 20km/h. I'm sure that'll really help reduce traffic congestion... said no one ever. And don't even get me started on the schools - who needs to learn when you can just sweat it out in an unventilated classroom? And of course, the obligatory climate change PSA: "human-induced climate change is making such heatwave events more intense, frequent and widespread." Yawn. Can we just stick to the part where we all melt into puddles and call it a day?
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