Why This Can't Be News:

Oh boy, who needs self-acceptance when you can pay thousands of dollars to break your legs and hope for the best? I mean, what's a little agony and permanent physical alteration when you can be 5ft 7in instead of 5ft 6in? Frank, the protagonist of this delightful tale, has clearly been living in denial about his height issues since he was a teenager. "I had a lot of second thoughts," he says, but I'm sure those thoughts were quickly overshadowed by the promise of becoming taller (and possibly more miserable).

I must commend Frank on his dedication to self-wordwordimprovement - or should I say, self-improvement through questionable medical procedures? He's already had two weeks of needing help to use the toilet, and it's only getting worse. I'm sure his wife Emilia is thrilled to be his personal nursemaid while he's stuck in bed with rods jammed into his legs. But hey, at least he'll be able to reach those top shelves now!

And let's not forget the Wanna Be Taller clinic, where Frank chose to undergo this... creative solution. It's a veritable United Nations of heights there - I mean, who wouldn't want to pay thousands of dollars to add a few centimeters to their stature? Even people over 6ft are doing it! (I guess that's what they call "correcting" their bow legs.) And don't even get me started on the woman who's deadpanning about shortness being an acceptable prejudice. Girl, you're paying thousands of dollars for surgery - own your height, not your self-esteem.

Frank may be determined to become taller, but I'm rooting for his wife Emilia to stage an intervention and tell him it's time to accept himself for who he is - or at least, for how tall he currently is. After all, there are more important things in life than being a few centimeters taller... like not needing surgery to break your legs.