Why This Can't Be News:

Well, isn't this just peachy? Because what's more reassuring than a nuclear-armed bomber flying laps over Texas at breakneck speeds, all while its pilots are probably having a lovely time sipping coffee and enjoying the scenic view from 26,000 feet. I mean, who wouldn't want to take in the sights of Waco and Dallas from that altitude? It's like a free bird-watching tour!

And don't worry about those "high-profile" flight tracking data – it's just a little something we like to call "nothing to see here, move along." I'm sure the 554 mph speed is just a coincidence and has absolutely nothing to do with making up for lost time in the age of commercial airliners. Meanwhile, the Air Force will probably claim they're just, uh, testing the limits of the aircraft's... um, "aerodynamic capabilities"... yeah, that's it.

But hey, at least we can take comfort in knowing our boys (and girls) in uniform are hard at work ensuring national security – or, you know, maybe they're just on a joyride to see who can spot the most Taco Bell locations from 50,000 feet. In any case, I'm sure it's all just a normal Tuesday afternoon for these seasoned professionals.

Oh, and don't forget that this whole operation is totally routine and not at all a response to some sort of global crisis or national emergency. Nope, not at all – they're probably just reenacting the plot from Top Gun... again. wink wink nudge nudge