Why This Can't Be News:

Oh boy, it looks like Jeffrey Epstein was trying to pull off the ultimate deal - trading in his peddling of underaged flesh for a sweet get-out-of-jail-free card. And what did he have to do in return? Just implicate the big guy, Donald Trump! I mean, who wouldn't want to take down the President, am I right?

But wait, it gets even better - allegedly, Epstein was offered this deal by none other than Maurene Comey (no relation to that other Comey guy), a lead prosecutor. Apparently, she told him he didn't need to prove anything, as long as Trump's people couldn't disprove it. Because, you know, the truth is just whatever Maurene says it is. I'm sure that's how the legal system works.

And let me get this straight - Epstein was allegedly offered a deal that would make him walk free if he implicated Trump in... something? Anything? The papers don't specify, but I'm sure it's just a little misunderstanding about some minor crimes like, oh, I don't know, child sex trafficking or financial misdealing. No biggie.

I mean, who wouldn't want to take down the President and walk free in return? It's not like Epstein had anything better to do with his time, like, say, not being a creep. But seriously, if this is true, it's just another example of how corrupt our justice system can be. Or maybe it's all just part of some big conspiracy theory... or not.