Could LA see $30 minimum wage by 2028?

Oh boy, folks! It looks like Los Angeles is gearing up to become the land of milk and honey—or maybe just a city where everyone gets paid enough to buy a BMW instead of a Prius. Unite Here Local 11 has decided that $30 an hour should be the new norm for everyone, not just those lucky hotel maids who already got their wage hike (and, you know, have been secretly planning a vacation to the Bahamas on those sweet health care payments). Now, let’s break this down: by 2028, when Los Angeles is hosting the Olympics and Paralympics (because nothing says “let’s make these games legendary” like watching every vendor charge $3 for a water bottle), the city will officially be the new Silicon Valley of wage inflation. Imagine it—waiters getting paid more than software engineers! You’ll need a second mortgage just to afford your latte at Starbucks, where baristas will be sipping their own lattes while you wait in line. Of course, there’s always pushback from those pesky small businesses that can’t seem to figure out how to survive without employing people who make less than the cost of a cup of coffee. But hey, who cares about them when we’ve got unions fighting for justice and fair wages? And by “fighting,” I mean filing paperwork at the city clerk’s office while sipping lattes they paid $50 each for. Kurt Petersen, co-president of Unite Here Local 11, is quoted as saying something about corporations getting subsidies from taxpayers. To which I say: Of course they do! That’s how capitalism works—corporations get money, workers get minimum wage (or $30 an hour if you’re lucky enough to work in a hotel or airport). It’s like trickle-down economics, but instead of wealth trickling down, it just gets stuck on top because no one can afford anything anymore. Oh, and did I mention that this whole initiative also involves making sure big hotels don’t upset the nearby communities? Because let’s face it—nothing ruins a neighborhood more than a hotel with fewer than 80 guest rooms. Who needs privacy when you’re paying $30 an hour to clean a room? So there you have it, folks—a citywide minimum wage hike so ambitious it’ll probably make Elon Musk move out of California and into Wyoming because who wants to live somewhere where even the janitors can afford a Tesla? And just think: in 2028, when you’re struggling to pay for your $50 sandwich at Disneyland, you’ll look back on this moment as the dawn of a new era. Or maybe just the beginning of the end of affordable tacos in LA. Who knows? But one thing’s for sure—everyone will be making enough money that they can all afford therapy sessions about how expensive everything is. It’s a win-win!