BREAKING: Inmate's Heart Device Must Be DEACTIVATED Before Execution to Avoid SHOCKING Consequences!

Well, this is just peachy. A Tennessee judge has ruled that the state must turn off a death-row inmate's heart device before executing him, because heaven forbid the poor guy gets a little jolt of electricity and starts doing the cha cha slide on his way to eternity. I mean, can you imagine the horror? The inmate might even try to revive himself with all those shocks! It's almost as if the good people of Tennessee want to make sure their executions are as boring as possible.

But seriously, folks, this is just a huge inconvenience for the state. I'm sure they were planning on just, you know, zapping the guy and calling it a day. Now they have to find some medical professional willing to turn off the device, which could take all of five minutes. I mean, what's the holdup? Can't find a doctor with a spare minute between martinis and golf games? It's almost as if the state is trying to make this whole ordeal more...humanitarian or something.

And let's not forget the real tragedy here: the fact that Tennessee might actually have to show some compassion and humanity towards someone on death row. I mean, it's not like they're asking for much – just don't kill him yet! But no, of course not. They'd rather waste taxpayer dollars on appeals and lawyers than do something nice for once. It's almost as if they're trying to make a point about the morality of capital punishment or something.