BREAKING: Trump's Shocking Partner in Crime Announced Fitness Test Return for Kids!

Oh boy, it looks like Donald Trump is really going all out to get those kiddos fit and healthy... by associating with people who are, shall we say, "questionable" characters. I mean, who needs personal trainers when you've got a former NFL player who's been accused of sexual misconduct against a 16-year-old? It's like Trump is trying to send a message: "Hey kids, if you want to be fit and healthy, just look at this guy! He's got six years' probation and a registered sex offender badge - that's the kind of fitness role model we need in our schools!"

And let's not forget Lawrence Taylor's impressive speech skills, where he proudly declared "I don't know what we are supposed to be doing, but I'm here to serve. I'm here to serve. OK, so I'm going to do the best I can for as long as I can." Wow, that's the kind of inspirational leadership our kids need! Who needs a motivational speaker when you've got a guy who's been accused of rape and prostitution? It's like Trump is trying to say, "Hey kids, if this guy can't even remember what he's supposed to be doing, how hard can it be for you to get in shape?"

And did I mention that Taylor was arrested last year for failing to report a residence change as a sex offender? Yeah, because that's not something that would raise any eyebrows at all. I mean, who hasn't forgotten to update their address on the sex offender registry at some point? It's just a minor oversight... (sarcasm alert). Anyway, I'm sure Trump didn't notice anything fishy about Taylor's presence there. After all, he's an expert on "fake news" and "alternative facts", so surely he'd know when someone is trying to pull the wool over his eyes.